Aerith's Gitched Death
by Matrineal
Summary: What starts out as Aerith's death, downspirals into something completely obscure when Sephiroth gets stopped, talk of shampoo, a sharpie, and Black Jack, mix! I hope this isn't taken either! ONESHOT!


**A/N: Hey, I'm back with another oneshot. I hope this one isn't taken, like most of the others I write out. Ok. Please review if you like it. **

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Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII. If I did, Vincent would be with Yuffie.

Aerith's Glitched Death

The brunette Ancient told Cloud that she was the only one able to stop Sephiroth. Now he was standing in front of her, on the altar, just watching her with a calmness that was somewhat depressed. The ex-SOLDIER didn't know what he was thinking, hearing the yells from Tifa and Cait Sith to stop. That was until Sephiroth's voice in Cloud's head was chanting and causing him to do _the robot_?! Aerith looked at the blond with raised eyebrows, her teal green eyes giving him a confused expression of _"What the hell are you doing?" _Cloud was confused himself, when Sephiroth demanded that he twirl, and he had no choice but to obey. The brunette was very confused, now. _What the hell was he doing?! _

"Cloud, are you Ok?! There are people watching…!" She whispered with a hint of malice in her tone. That was until Sephiroth appeared out of nowhere, from above, diving with Masumune aimed at Aerith. Then out of nowhere, Barret cast a Stop spell, freezing Sephiroth in the air with the sword five feet above the victim Ancient. She glanced behind her and up at the silver haired maniac that was ready to skewer her with his sword. The blond sword wielder looked from Aerith to Sephiroth, his blue eyes comprehending what Jenova's_ son_ was about to do to his girlfriend.

Tifa climbed up to the platform in slight confusion and caution, not understanding what just happened to this scene. She paced around the frozen psychopath, examining his features and clothing. An inner ambition told her to tug on his hair and wave her hand in front of his eyes. The bartender bit her bottom lip, waving her hand in front of his eyes, but nothing happened. He was _frozen_! His features were frozen as well, along with his clothing. That was when she caught how shiny his hair was. It didn't seem natural.

"Hey, what shampoo do you think he uses…?" Tifa questioned, turning to Cloud and watching him shrug his answer.

"Pantine Pro V!" The animatronic cat called from the lower crystal platform of the crystalline city. Both Aerith and Tifa cringed, taking seats next to each other on the marble floor of the altar.

"No wonder his hair looks like plastic…" Aerith grumbled, bringing her knees up to her chest and rearranging her pink dress to satisfaction. Tifa nodded i8n agreement, while rearranging to sit on her knees and gave a heavy sigh.

"So, what do we do now?" Her voice drew Cloud's attention to watch the two females with confusion in his features. _What the hell just happened?_ Was his main question, as the sound of Barret's boots barreling down the crystal staircase caught his attention and drawing it to the entrance, where Cid, Vincent, Red XIII and the Avalanche leader stood in silence. Cid lost his cigarette, staring at the frozen image of the SOLDIER General just hanging in mid air. Red didn't seem all that surprised, but he had seen weirder things in Hojo's lab. Whereas Vincent was stricken with complete and utter disbelief, pointing his golden claw at Sephiroth with raised eyebrows, and turning to the pilot standing beside him.

"Is that _possible?!" _Cid shrugged.

"How the hell would I know?! We came to stop Sephiroth, and… he's stopped. Damn! I need a cigarette…" He reached in his pocket for his pack of cigarettes, pulling one out and sticking it in his mouth. Barret smirked at his quick thinking, pleased with his handy work of casting Stop, when really _the frame freezed of its own accord. _The blond sword's man turned his attention to Barret next, and called over "Barret! How long do you think it'll hold?"

The large built male shrugged. "I dunno, Spiky! It could be until later today, tomorrow, or an eternity before it unfreezes." Aerith glanced at Tifa, who glanced back at her. The two realized it was going to be a long time of waiting for this game to continue. Just then, the world's most hyperactive ninja came charging down the crystal staircase at a speed of 60 MPH with a deck of cards in her hand, and crashed into Vincent, who just happened to be standing near the base of the staircase. Yuffie fell onto her back after the collision, rubbing her head as playing cards drifted down in every direction.

"OW! Hey, watch it!" She sat up; rubbing her head then glanced up to Sephiroth's frozen form on the altar, an evil smirk tugging at her lips. She had an idea. The teen Materia Hunter shot up from her fallen spot on the floor, where she had fallen on Vincent, not even apologizing to him as she made a run for the marble platform and jumped the stairs up to where Sephiroth hung. Vincent sat up in slight aggravation of Yuffie's sudden decision to run without apologizing. But hey, could you really expect an apology from her?

"How long's he gonna stay up there?" She asked, pointing to the silver haired original clone from Jenova. The Ancient thought for a minute, biting her bottom lip with her index finger pressed against her top lip.

"We're not sure. Barret says in the least, until tomorrow. Or, he could never come down. I have no clue how strong a Time spell he cast." Tifa answered for the ninja, so that Aerith wouldn't have to. The Materia hunter, ninja raised her eyebrows in slight surprise, spotting a possible advantage to this.

"Really?!" Aerith and Tifa nodded, watching as the ninja pulled out a large black _Sharpie_ and ran up to the stone still general. Clod raised his eyebrows at Yuffie's attempt to reach Sephiroth's face with the cursed pen, and draw on it.

"Uh, Yuffie… I don't think you should do that…" The sword wielder warned, watching as the hyperactive ninja drew a squiggly mustache and fat eyebrows. Along with glasses to make him look like a complete idiot. How evil that girl was… Tifa and Aerith both covered their mouths to try and save themselves from laughing, and failing horribly. They both had beet red faces, which were evident to anyone that they were holding something back. Yuffie ignored the lot of them, rounding to the back, and drawing large black flowers on his silver hair.

"What kind of shampoo does he use…?" Her singsong tone caught the two cracking females attention, as they both cleared their throats to answer.

"Pantine Pro V…" They stated in unison, using a dull tone. The ninja stopped he drawing and dropped her pen to the marble floor.

"_What?! He uses THAT?!" _Cloud sighed heavily, not understanding what it was with womena and types of shampoo. Yuffie grimaced, the demonic smile changing into a deep frown.

"No wonder I _can _draw on his hair… It has _silicon _in it!" Vincent grimaced, catching the ninja's fuming comment from across the area, while he spent his time picking up the very playing cards Yuffie had sent everywhere. Mostly to keep him occupied since Sephiroth was _stopped, literally._ Now what…? The group had to wait and find out, didn't they? Red XIII traced down to where Cait Sith sat, and took a seat next to the cat in silence. The mechanical cat sighed heavily, leaning on his mog. What fun this was going to be…

Barret grumbled something to himself in a quiet tone, grabbing the gathered playing cards from Vincent's hand and heading up the stairs to the altar.

"If we gotta wait, we better do something! Everyone, get yer asses over here!" The tall brooding Avalanche leader ordered, gathering the entire group on the large altar. Cid and Vincent followed Red and Cait in silence, as they chose seats against the wall. Sephiroth remained hanging in the air, ground center of the altar, above the deck of cards. Yuffie grabbed the shapie she had dropped, putting the cap on and sticking it in her pocket, and taking a seat on Aerith's right. Cloud took a seat to Aerith's left, with Tifa sitting beside her. Barret took his place next to Tifa, naturally, whereas Cid took a seat next to Yuffie. But then received a glare from Vincent and was forced to switch with him, so now Vincent was seated next to Yuffie and Cid beside the gunslinger. That left Cait Sith to close the circle with Red seated next to Barret. The hyperactive ninja glanced up to Sephiroth's hanging form with Masumune in his grip.

"Hey, how do we know he's going to stay up there..?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows in concentration. The ninja thought she caught a slip, thus causing her to ask the question.

"We don't." Barret replied gruffly, passing the deck of cards to Cloud.

"Then won't he fall on our game?" Yuffie continued, swearing she saw a twitch of his finger. The group remained silent as the blond swordsman delt the cards out.

"What if he comes-"

"Don't jinx it, girl!" Cid cut her off, receiving a glare from the petite ninja, while Cloud realized they didn't have enough cards in order to play poker with a group this big. May as well resort to Black Jack…

--Fin--


End file.
